He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
