that's an acceptable place to lick
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
