I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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