dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
