i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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