STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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