I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
