i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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