bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
