I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
