it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
