I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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