i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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