is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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