Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
