he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
