you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
