and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
