he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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