How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
