she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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