there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
