I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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