I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
