I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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