she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
