Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
