And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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