it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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