friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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