I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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