You smell like a Billy Joel song
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
