I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
