Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
