Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
