so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
