You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There's even glitter on my cock...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
