my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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