Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
