I bet he comes in French.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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