okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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