I haven't been this sober since birth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
