It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
