i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
