I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
