he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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