Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
