I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
