You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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