around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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