No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
