Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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