**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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