He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
