Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
