mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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