lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
