You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
