new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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